gregorygarver.com

RichardQ · Joined: 08 Jan 2007 Posts: 3

Dear _______________,I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:(Check those that apply)1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.10. ___You have a hairy back.11. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.14. ___You still live with your parents.15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner.18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.20. ___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.Sincerely, _________________________________

LL · Joined: 25 Mar 2003 Posts: 5

uhhhh....where were you when i was dating my ex???

Thomas6510 · Joined: 08 Aug 2004 Posts: 4

well.lol

Dan-the-Montana-Man · Joined: 16 Apr 2003 Posts: 4

excellent again my dear, very good*

Mike0989 · Joined: 01 Apr 2006 Posts: 5

have to say very good

davencusa · Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 5

funny

TheDiva · Joined: 21 Feb 2003 Posts: 7

your funny

acermill7939 · Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 7

ha ha ha funnythanks for a laugh10/10

prizzatt05 · Joined: 29 Jul 2005 Posts: 6

oh well, at least you know your faults!!!!!!!LOL LOL LOL LOL

unisberkensap9671 · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 3

hahahaha!!!that was funny!!

MaryB1534 · Joined: 11 May 2003 Posts: 8

well this is one letter you will not recieve from me hun, you are just the man i wantstar timexxxxxxxxxxxx

joh · Joined: 31 Jul 2005 Posts: 4

lmfao! i love ur jokes . . . . . like to DEATH!!!do u make them up????i love this one a lot!!

ChristineH · Joined: 06 Apr 2005 Posts: 3

Thats funny.More please!

Joy4IEHomes · Joined: 05 May 2007 Posts: 6

That is brilliant. Really enjoyed it.

rochelletherealtor1256 · Joined: 21 Sep 2004 Posts: 5

Well I|'ll re-write some of it and use it when daughter No 2 brings home eligible fella!!She'll crack up when she reads this!!Daughter No 1 already settled thank goodness!!Thanks for the laughs!! * for you!!