gregorygarver.com

rk · Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 2

here's the story real quick. i've been dating a man for about a year now. he is currently married, not happy blah blah blah you know the story. we have decided to relocate to another state close by so he can see his kids. my questions is, he's still with her and simply waiting on a job relocation (to the new state we are moving to) before he leaves his wife (why you ask- lets just say this job does a serious background check and a mistress or nasty divorce would "hinder" his chances of getting the job) his children do not know me and i'm worried that when we do move and his kids do come visit- with this have any serious effect on them? they are little (2yrs and 3yrs old) but i'm worried this transition will not go as easily as he thinks, is there a better way of doing this, then to just throw them into the situation or are they young enough that this will not really have any long term affects on them? there's just no way for him to move in with me before we go because of this job.ok for all you rightous ppl on here that think they have never done a thing wrong.. bite me.. i didn't ask for you OPINION on my relationship.. i asked about the children!! bottom line all you self rightous ppl that think they would never date a married man.... try finding the man of your dreams, fall head over heals in love with him, have him love you just the same.. and then walk away because he's married... get a life ppl.. sometimes marriages dont work out.. and sometimes you think they will and they just aren't the person you married anymore.. so what is wrong with finding a new love... ppl think divorce is just so easy that if you find someone else you can just up and divorce the other person the next day.. it doesn't work like that.. you dont know what your talking about so if you dont want to answer my question.. then dont bother answering.. i've heard all your reasons why we shouldn't be together.. and ya know what.. it's not gonna change anything.. so back off!!!here we go again... it's not a pile of shit... that he's feeding me.. i've sent the job applications in myself.. i go with him to the interviews... he's not lying to me... seriously... what's wrong with woman today why do they assume that all men lie just to get what they want... i have no reason to think he's not gonna move with me.. i think there are some seriously bitter woman in this world... christ!!uummm no.. to your once a cheater always a cheater... i was a cheater and i have not cheated on this man once... ppl change.. why do ppl always think the worst of ppl?? could they young and stupid stop answering my question!!wow.. now that one is just a genius right there.... demand i meet his kids??? did you even read my question... explain how thats gonna happen... yeah that will work out really well..... i meet his kids and they go back to mom and tell her.. and then the shit hits the fan.. and everything he's been working towards falls apart.... and yes there is a job that looks at your morals as well as your education... plenty of jobs that do!!ok why would i call her... you ppl are obviously not reading my question.... if she knew about me.. then when this job comes to question his family and friends on his moral fiber.. what do you think she will tell them.. and where do you think this job will go.... BOTTOM FUCKING LINE PPL... WE'RE TOGETHER.. HE'S NOT LYING.. WE ARE MOVING.. THEY DONT KNOW.. IT WILL HAPPEN... STOP BEING MY FUCKING JUDGES.. AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU THINK THIS WILL HAVE AN EFFECT OF HIS CHILDREN... STOP BEING SUCH FUCKING RIGHTOUS SAINTS AND GET OFF IT!!!UUMM.. miss tokyo... just because you got f'd over doesn't mean we all do.. just because you got lied to and believed it.. doesn't mean i'm as naive as you and the same thing will happen.. sounds like someones still a little bitter... oh wait didn't i say that already... god i love it when i'm right!! =)uumm i dont have any children.. and why wouldn't i care about how this will affect his kids.. i love him.. so i would love his children.. that's just a retarded thing to say...

AtlantaRealtor · Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 2

Yes. There is a better way. it's called LEAVE HIM ALONE and find a man that isn't already married with baggage. If he cheats on one wife whats to stop him from cheating on you? You think it's different with you, and that no one else could possibly understand that what you have is real right? Story as old as the hills my girl. Get out of this one and find someone single.

Brandon · Joined: 05 May 2007 Posts: 6

First off, don't you think you should wait to date him until he is divorced? Anyhow, the kids are young so you will have plenty of time to win them over. Just be nice and try to play with them and I'm sure you'll make two new little friends.

MakeYourMoneyworkforyou · Joined: 31 Aug 2005 Posts: 6

Do you have a shovel? I ask this because it sounds like the bullsh*t is really piling up around him & you should shovel it all away so you can get to the truth. None of that sounds legit. Did he tell you that he can't be seen living with a mistress? He's feeding you lies & you are just eating them up. I almost had an affair with a married guy & he fed me those same lines. It ended up that not only did he not plan on leaving his wife, but he was still having regular & happy sex with her & they were making plans for the long term. (I.E., he had no plans on leaving her & were planning on having another baby, ect.)Why is he still living with his wife? Why can't he move out on his own? There is no job on this earth that would look badly on a divorce. It happens to everyone. Has he talked to his wife about you? I doubt it. More than likely he's probably gushing to her about how great things will be after his promotion & how great it'll be when they move.He's using you. Tell him that when he leaves his wife that he can look you up, but until then he needs to GTFO. Besides, once a cheater always a cheater. He cheats on his wife, he'll cheat on you. An unhappy marraige is never a good excuse. Maybe if he wasn't cheating he wouldn't be unhappy.I know that you want us to tell you that it'll work out, that he'll leave his wife for you & the two of you will be so happy together that you'll be farting rainbows, but that's not the way life is honey. Sometimes you just have to face reality. Trust me, I've been there before & I know plenty of others who have been through the same scenario. It always ends up the same way. Tears.EDIT:You say that the question is about the children. I'm asking if his wife is even aware that you exist. Does she know that you are dating her husband? Until that divorce paper is signed she is still legally his wife. Why not try calling her & asking her? I have a strong feeling that not only does she probably not know, but she'll be shocked.Unless you have heard first-hand from her that they are divorcing, don't trust him. I am speaking from EXPERIENCE. I have been in your shoes. I dated a guy that told me every single thing that he told you. He said that they were unhappy, that he couldn't just leave her & be with me because it would hurt him at work & that once he got to his higher position that he'd leave her. He lied & he's lying to you. If he wanted to be with you he'd leave his wife & he wouldn't have to go to another state to do so. What's so wrong with him taking a longer time to get that promotion/relocation assignment so he can be with you?Bottom line, since he has made no attempt to bring the children over to meet you, he is not likely to ever do so. You are the mistress & that is all you will ever be.Just because you are not cheating doesn't automatically mean that he is just like you. Then again, why am I wasting my time. You'll blow me off & then in 5 months to a year you'll be posting about what a bad relationship it was & why you believed him.Actually I'm not bitter. I broke it off with him because I realized what I was doing was wrong & it was the best move of my life. I am just trying to keep people from making the same mistakes I did. He's playing you sweetie & denying it isn't going to change anything. Go ahead. I guarantee it isn't going to last. His job does not rely on his wife. That is a lie. This is going to be my last response to this, so go ahead & defend yourself. Maybe I am judging you, but at least you have a judge who has been there & not a Polly Prisspants who has never been through the same experiences. I guarantee that while I will not remember you tomorrow my words will be haunting you for weeks. If your relationship was really that secure you never would have bothered to reply or even ask this question.

godged1411 · Joined: 30 Jan 2007 Posts: 3

0kay so here's the thing i'm not your judge so i'm not going to judge.as far as the kids are concerned they are small and all they will know is daddy's new g/f or their new step-momkids are versitile and they adapt pretty easilydont worry so much about the kids they will be okayhis wife on the other hand may give you griefbut you will be okayi know things didnt start out like you plannedbut good luck and all the happiness in the world to you

Whattodo · Joined: 25 Mar 2003 Posts: 5

I think that u r being played by this guy. Why can't you meet his kids? I think that he's telling you stories to keep you sleeping with him.Call him on it & tell him that either he lets you meet his kids now or you walk. If he refuses, then you know he's just playing with you & won't ever commit to you.

SteveS · Joined: 10 Nov 2006 Posts: 8

why would u care about his kids? care about yours. anyway, his wife will not let them visit him that often anyway, and when they do just act normal. do not explain anything. act as if nothing bad happened. u don't need to explain anything to anybody, especially children

Raymond9886 · Joined: 26 Jun 2005 Posts: 9

Since I don't give a rat's A.S.S. about why you sleep with a married man, I'll only address the legal issue.Tell your Man that he is in for a very rude awakening.Depending on to which state he is moving, the minute he moves out of the marital home his wife can successfully petition the court to order either limited or supervised visitation with the children with a no-cohabitation order in place.What that does is effectively remove you from the home during times when the children are there.If you think I'm playing, I have successfully argued 26 such orders in 6 states.

FeelingMutual · Joined: 04 Jul 2006 Posts: 6

i don't know what others said but ow hostle much anyways i understand what your saying (don't agree) but for the kis sake after the man leaves said wife have kids meet you they are young and any long term affects are on if you dad and yes mommy jilted wife act it out right

meg0737 · Joined: 15 Jul 2004 Posts: 4

They are young enough to 'grow into' the situation easily, but it doesn't mean that it won't be difficult from the start. Hopefully both parents are supportive. Does his wife know yet? If not, the change could be a huge thing for her and she's going to kick a fuss for sure. Talk to him about your concerns and perhaps you can both come up with plans and ideas to make the transition easy for the children.

artistagent116 · Joined: 16 Sep 2007 Posts: 2

No best way I don't think honey, it's not going to be easy for any of you. This is going to be difficult but you hang in there and those kids will love their new stepmum to death.Good luck to you all honey.

MonikaWilson6338 · Joined: 14 Sep 2005 Posts: 3

His kids are not going to except you no matter what you do. when his wife finds out she can force him to have visitation without you present. And that is her right you broke up there marriage.

summer · Joined: 07 Mar 2006 Posts: 4

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I hear ya and how much you "care" about the kids. I find it just a little difficult to buy that since if you did care about them you wouldn't have helped ruin their home. Sure he said he was unhappy and "blah, blah, blah", but if it were that bad wouldn't he have been divorced already? Come on! Quit trying to justify being a homewrecker. When a married person starts seeing someone else, they start to see all of the faults in their spouse and suddenly they are unforgivable. You helped in that process. Oh, and big deal...you haven't cheated on him once in a WHOLE year! Yippee. You are a catch all right. That's pretty impressive.So, you want advice about the kids huh? Well, here you go...whether its now or later they will not like you. Why would they? So, try if you will, but the excuse that Daddy doesn't love Mommy anymore doesn't hold water when Daddy was cheating on Mommy with a mistress who has no morals or self respect. If it's later, you won't have to worry about it because you and their father won't be together long since that is the way these relationships work. Oh wait...I know...yours is different right? Sure.There are consequences to your behavior. When they come around and you are feeling about as low as you can get...don't say you weren't warned.

spawanee · Joined: 12 Sep 2004 Posts: 4

I dunno. I mean, the sh#% is gonna' hit the fan no matter what. His kids will suffer from the divorce, ya it will have serious effects on them. They are young, but they know who daddy is and that he used to live at home. As far as making it easier, it sounds harsh, but you not being there would make it easier. Maybe when they come to visit for the first few months, make yourself scarce(sp?). Then he can gradually be like, "daddy has a new friend, this is soandso". good-luck.

leggs · Joined: 19 Apr 2004 Posts: 4

Sorry girl, but I can say that you are getting used up. Unless he's a visible man in politics or he got his job through his wife there is no reason for his home life to affect his professional life. I've got some friends who are pretty high up in the professional ladder and do some pretty sordid things. Their bosses know about it and do not care. He's not introducing you to the kids because he never plans on having you meet him. You can't love what you can't meet. He hasn't told his wife because he has no plans on leaving her. In any case, you can't affect the kids life if you haven't met them and it looks like he is not going to let you meet them. Has he given you a real date for the relocation or is it just "Real Soon"? I wouldn't start knitting booties, but in the rare chance that he is going to leave his wife, there is nothing you can do to befriend his kids immediately. They are going to resent you until they know that you are in his life for good. If you do get to meet them, don't push yourself on him.I suggest that you read the book below. It is for women who are having an affair with a married man. It was written by a woman who has been in one before. She gives good tips on how to maintain the relationship, but she is also very realistic.